Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
