I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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