Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
