you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize