i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
