question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
