Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
