The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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