Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
