wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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