If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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