Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
This is my gift to your gina
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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