Plan B is the new Plan A
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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