omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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