Fuck appropriateness.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
