we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
