Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
