i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
