You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
