I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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