You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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