We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Send help, water and tortillas.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize