I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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