I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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