my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
