That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Randomize
