The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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