I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
