Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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