yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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