We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
