Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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