I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
