i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
