fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize