im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
