just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
