his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
