Yo dont text me then not text me
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
