so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
