Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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