Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
