I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Ketchup is God's man juice
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
