everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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