I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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