my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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