Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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