You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
