haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize