saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
