i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
