OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
