I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
