I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
