she smelled like a LAN party
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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