I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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