Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
