My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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