He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
