Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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