she looked like the before picture.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
