Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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