end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
