i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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