Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
