he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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