Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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