Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
worst night to have a conscience
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
