And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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