Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
