a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
