Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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