Welp...herpes.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
