He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
