planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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