a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I don't deserve a penis
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
