I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
