I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
