Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
