you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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