I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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