so explain again why im purple
no
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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