There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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